I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
