Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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