Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
