i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
