I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
