just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
