i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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