i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
