The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
