We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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