life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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