she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
