when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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