Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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