A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
