i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
