i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
