he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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