I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
