something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
