When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
