Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
