the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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