i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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