One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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