You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
