then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
