Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
