Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
