i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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