We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
