i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Shame - the story of my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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