I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
