at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
