you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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