you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
