i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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