Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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