dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
40s are totally the cure
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
