i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
