areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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