jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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