There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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