I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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