hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Randomize
