I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
