This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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