yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
