she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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