apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
